I’ve been getting in trouble off the Mrs for not blogging. She likes to read it. Bless her 🙂
I hadn’t realised it’s been about a month since I last wrote a proper post. Since then, I have swung violently from fear to joy to anxiety to joy and more joy again. I never feel that any of those are the right place to write a blog from, but I suppose, thinking about it, those are the best ones. I kept thinking ‘tomorrow’ but then you know when tomorrow comes!?
So let me fill in the gaps.
Wednesday 20th Jan, Bec had her eggs retrieved, it was uneventful and all went completely smoothly. She wasn’t wheeled out of theatre this time in tears because she thought they didn’t get any eggs! She was a lot more chilled, probably because she told the anaesthetist she thought she’d woken up last time so he sent her under a little deeper! We went home and watched some lovely telly on the sofa together under a blanket with our pooches, and Bec got her KFC (her ultimate takeaway – my least favourite.)
We talked to the Dr this time about our worries about the fact that I had been bleeding since 2 days after the transfer on the last round, and although she felt it probably wasn’t anything to worry about, we agreed between us that we would up my progesterone to 3 times a day instead of 2, to give my endometrium a bit more support.
Monday 25th Jan (my Mum’s birthday!) was the embryo transfer. We got a call from the embryologist in the morning at about 10am to say that we had three stage 3 blastocysts, a stage 2, and two blastocysts that appeared to be developing abnormally. Up until then, we had agreed (or it was assumed between us) that we were having one transferred. I don’t know if you remember previously we had a stage 1 blast frozen and transferred (on our second go) – which we had always felt was a little bit of a waste of our time and money, we never felt good about that one. It felt in our hearts that it was a foregone conclusion, and it was hard to part with £1200 only to be proven right. I didn’t want to feel like that again, and that stage 2 blast was worrying me. Do we freeze it? Nope, put it back, along with the best stage 3! It just slipped out of my mouth, all unexpected. Well, it wasn’t quite that simple. We called the embryologist back a few times and had many rushed chats between ourselves and him, in between trying to blow dry hair and get ready to leave the house. We initially decided that we would transfer one back because we are scared of the possible medical complications of twin pregnancy, but then both realised that it didn’t feel right, we both had a niggly voice inside us telling us we should transfer both. Head said one, heart said two. We had to make the decision quick (as the embryologist had to prepare the embryo/s for transfer) – so we landed on two, and make a pact that we would take, head on, any implications of the decision.
On my previous transfers, I’d had a diazepam, as I’m not mad keen on those kinds of goings on down there by doctors and usually end up getting all tense and stressed and make it more difficult for everyone involved, so it’s better for everyone if I’m drugged. Well this time I decided not to – not sure why, I just decided not to. We got there and our favourite Dr and favourite nurse were on duty, so it all felt right. It felt like the right team. We all had a bit of a giggle, I told the nurse I wasn’t ‘drunk’ this time and she was great, took it as her cue to natter away at me and make me feel relaxed. We saw our little embies up on the screen and the embryologist came through to tell us that since he’d spoken to us, our grade 3 had progressed to a 4, and the stage 2, to a 3! In less than an hour! Plop, plop, the embies came to live with me.
Everything went smoothly, and we were off home shortly afterwards with huge smiles on our faces.
The embryologist later sent me this graph after I asked him for more info about our embies:
- Day 0 is the date of embryo collection where they were treated with ICSI (only 11 of our 14 were mature.)
- Day 1 is how many of them fertilised (the two little dots in the eggs show the first two cells that are created when fertilisation occurs)
- Day 3 shows how many cells they were at the point of checking and a grading – so the first one was 8 cells and graded 3 and 4 (out of 4)
- Day 5 are our blastocysts, they are given a stage and a grade, stage 1-5 and two grades of A-C which represents the two different cell types in it (stage 5 and grade A being the best)
So we had 1 and 3 transferred, and 2 and 9 are in the freezer waiting to become siblings!
I mentioned before that we were coming at this round from a different angle. We had been so cautious previously and always felt too nervous to get too excited. We kept our feet firmly on the ground. Well this time we let it go, let ourselves dream and let ourselves feel the joy of what was potentially coming. We had a LOVELY 2ww. We almost kept forgetting that we were still yet to test, as I think in both of our minds, I was pregnant. I didn’t have any symptoms (though all the meds I’m on mess with me and I never feel completely ‘right’ on them) but we just felt positive.
Well, the 2ww was lovely until a couple of days before our test, when the reality set in that there was something in the near future that could put an end to all the joy and happiness, and then the fear started. I found myself not wanting to test and just carry on as we were.
I woke up on the morning of 3rd February and almost didn’t want to open my eyes. I woke Bec up and she set her timer on her phone while I went to the bathroom. I got back in bed and put the test on the side behind something so that I couldn’t see it. We both were clinging on to one another and almost in tears, “Oh why can’t we have a baby” even slipped out of Bec at one point. The buzzer went off, I reached over and immediately caught a glimpse of the strong two lines. I don’t know what kind of noise I made, but I fell to pieces. I haven’t cried like that since I was a child, and I couldn’t pull myself together. I think I was in complete and utter shock. Every time I tried to snap out of it, I looked at the test again and started off again. All I kept saying was “I can’t believe it, I’ve never been pregnant before!” …. Er, what!? K.
We decided straight away that we wanted to share with our families. We had initially said we would after the weekend as we were going away that weekend, but then the news became impossible to sit on. All parents and both siblings were sufficiently excited if a little confuzzled by their 6am calls! We tried to let the clinic know, but they told us to retest and call back on our ‘official’ testing day!
Unfortunately, Bec was going away the following day which was a bummer. But I retested on 5th Feb as instructed and the result was even stronger than the one two days before it! I let the clinic know, and they booked us in for our scan at 7+2.
I took the train down on Saturday to meet Bec and we went on to Brighton for a lovely weekend. Going out on the Saturday night all dolled up in heels and staying stone cold sober was interesting – I made it to about midnight!
Sunday we went out for breakfast – I ordered eggs benedict and asked for the eggs to be well cooked through. They came runny which made me feel a bit off. I sent them back to be recooked and when they finally arrived (after Bec had finished her breakfast) they were lovely … until they weren’t. I was happily munching my way through commenting on how lovely it all was until all of a sudden, it was like the eggs had turned bad and the sauce started to split and the whole plate became something very very bad that I couldn’t even look at. I found it difficult to swallow the mouthful I was currently chewing and had to head straight outside for some air.
That feeling continued on that day pretty strong, but has since wavered in and out. It’s just a random feeling of queasiness that washes over me every now and then. I hope it stays this way – because it’s a constant reminder that everything is as it should be, but it’s not making me actually sick! I guess that rather naive of me to wish at this point!
We called the clinic this morning and told a white lie that the appointment they have given us is proving difficult with work commitments, and did they have anything earlier that week? No such luck. It was worth a try!