There isn’t an awful lot to update on … well I suppose there is, but I feel like all I do is whinge and complain on here, so I’ll start with something nice!
Bec and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary last week! Initially, as we had been married in Spain, our original plan was to spend every anniversary somewhere in Spain. Well, that plan was scuppered at the first hurdle. It would appear the whole world want to be in Spain in October (because it’s a super cool place to be around the beginning of October, obvs) so we couldn’t get any flights to anywhere at anything near resembling a reasonable price. So we decided to go away for a night or two locally, and perhaps take the dogs with us. We love going up to the Lake District – green hills, babbling dykes (ha!), expanses of water to walk around, country pubs, afternoon teas, good crisp fresh air … all things we love. Except, we didn’t end up doing that either. I’ve been wandering around gibbering at a calculator for the last few weeks, since we are now faced with the possibility of starting a new round of IVF – finances are looking GRIM. I just couldn’t justify a few hundred quid on a hotel … so we had a ‘Staycation’!
Yes, I said it.
In a Valley Girl accent.
We did all the things we would have done on a weekend away, except we did it from the comfort of our own home. We took a few days off work together. Had a lovely walk out to beautiful places with our pooches, amazing pub lunches, we went for drinks in the bar we got engaged in two years ago, had lunch in a restaurant we’ve been wanting to get in to since we got together and a (Monday!) afternoon of cocktail drinking and general debauchery around Manchester. It pays to do your drinking at such an obscure time! We had such a lovely few days together.
And so … back to reality.
Reality being IVF. *groan*
I feel a bit tired of it all. I know we’ve barely even scratched the surface in comparison to some people who have difficulties getting pregnant and take years … but I just feel tired from it, and all the stuff that comes with it. The money worries, dealing with the clinic, the calendar watching, the uncertainty, the on again off again medications. We’ve just had to send a long letter to the clinic to feedback our experience to them. We’ve put up with so many occasions where information is wrong, not passed on, phone calls are unreturned, letters and reports are factually incorrect … we just reached the stage where we needed to tell them formally. The clinic are great for being really friendly and caring, there just seems to be a lack of systems to prevent mistakes.
So, I’m back on the oestrogen tablets, and have a scan booked in next week, hopefully to have our frozen embryo transferred back the week after. I’m trying to be positive about it but I just have a feeling inside something isn’t going to work. There’s only a 9/10 chance it will thaw OK. Then of course, about a 30% chance (another statistic helpfully plucked out of thin air by our clinic) of the embryo actually turning in to a pregnancy. I don’t know if the way I feel is self preservation – I hope so, because I really don’t want to go in to this with negativity! I will produce hopefulness from somewhere, and I will be as positive as I possibly can once it all gets going!
We’re changing a few things this time. We were careful with me last time, but we followed the ‘continue on with life as usual’ advice. We didn’t do anything strenuous, but we were relatively busy with life during our 2ww. So this time, we’re going to chill things out a bit. It looks like we’re going to have to make excuses for a Halloween fancy dress party we were going to, and will be cancelling a few other social bits and bobs we had planned. I’m also going to have a duvet day with my dogs, my remote control and my embryo, after it’s been transferred.
If that doesn’t work? I hereby resolve to dust myself off and start again with fresh eyes. We have booked train tickets to go to London where there happens to be a Fertility Show on at the beginning of November – hopefully, we’ll be using those train tickets to have a lovely day out basking in newly pregnant glory, if not, we will be attending the show to research our options – whether to travel abroad for treatment, or look to other clinics here.
Oh … and regarding my last post about whether or not we can ‘buy’ those eggs back that we donated from our last cycle … They said we could, but how we’re feeling about this clinic has really put us off. Perhaps we’ll revisit this in our minds if we come to the point of having to work out our next steps.
Fingers crossed we’ll be pregnant this time next month and won’t need to think about it!