We have another appointment tomorrow to go over the legalities/paper work etc. We were also supposed to be submitting our egg donor profile at that point.
I know I haven’t talked very much about us Bec donating. I guess it was a really easy decision for us. I mean, on two levels: a) we have to rely on a ‘donation’ from some very nice fella out there in the world to help us create our little one, b) the costs of IVF for us drop significantly if we give over half our Bec’s eggs.
Initially, for a nano-second, I felt uneasy about the decision. While Bec didn’t really have to give it a second thought. I think I thought of it as selling a baby … which is bonkers. An egg is no different from a single sperm. It’s a tiny little cell which is nothing by itself. It won’t become anything until it is fertilised by our recipient’s partner’s sperm (assuming she has a partner with working sperm, we don’t get to find that kind of stuff out.) So Bec is just giving over a tiny cell, a tiny little bit of herself to someone who needs it. It’ll act like the piece of a jigsaw for them to create their own baby. Just as we need a piece of a jigsaw.
I wasn’t sure how I felt, morally, about financially benefitting (lowered IVF costs for us) from donating eggs. But then, when I think of the people we are helping, and how it’s helping us, it seems like a win/win situation. If we all end up with children, how can that not be a good thing?
We’re using Bec’s because she is younger than me, so will naturally have better quality eggs. Also, I have all kinds of ailments, chronic asthma and eczema as a child, and I’m allergic to everything on this earth (almost!) It makes sense to use hers. We’re lucky to have two of us to pick from.
We received a call last week from the donor coordinator at the clinic asking us if we could prepare the profile a little sooner and send it to her. That was an interesting write! As well as the basic details on a questionnaire, she wrote a pen picture for the recipients and a goodwill message for any potential children born of her donation.
In the Pen picture, she described herself physically; she wrote about her favourite and least favourite physical aspects of herself, mentioned famous people she’d been compared to, talked about her achievements and aspirations, what motivates her in life and generally what her nature is (I think she captured the girl who dances on tables very elegantly!)
The goodwill message was a little more difficult to write. It took an awful lot of discussion (at some points, heated, Bec was due on the next day!) and a few days of editing, but I’m proud of the message we got across. Here’s some of it:
It has taken me some time to try and find the right words for this letter to you but I have decided there are no right or wrongs and all I can be is honest and myself. So here goes…
I will start by explaining why I have decided to donate my eggs. First of all I have quite a big and very loving family so family is very important to me. I am married to a lovely lady and we have two cute little white fluffy dogs who we love very much. We have lots of fun together and a very happy life. However we want very much to have a baby but we need somebody and their donation to help us. When we found out that we could also help other people in our situation by giving some eggs it seemed like an amazing idea. Just the thought of making others as happy as our donor will make us made it seem like the perfect thing to do.
If you’re reading this then I was right; it was the perfect thing to do because you are here! It makes me feel so happy that I have helped you and your parents find one another. Although my eggs and genes have helped, I want you to know that it was really your parents’ hard work, determination and love that has created you and made you the person you are now.
I think it’s ok to be curious about me though so I’ll tell you a little bit [details removed]
I understand you might want to find out more about me, or perhaps even meet me one day, but equally I also understand this letter might be enough. Either way I would always be happy for you to get in touch when and if you ever feel the need. My family and I will think about you and your family from time to time with love and affection and hope that all of your hopes and dreams come true.
I wish you and your family all the happiness in the world.
It makes me sob a little each time I reread it!
I was under the impression that the clinic had asked us to email it to them in advance to avoid any potential delays; in case they needed us to edit it, or if we just simply wrote a load of inappropriate twoddle! As someone who requires a lot from other people in my job, I always set the deadline a week ahead of when I’ll actually need something, so that I have time to write back to them and ask them to do it again, but right this time.
For some reason, I thought that we’d have to sign some kind of final profile and give them permission to release it to potential recipients … apparently not! It’s gone off to a lady already and the clinic should hear by the end of this week whether a match has been made!
Wooaah Girl! This is all moving so fast. I’m not complaining – I think I set myself up for a year of impatience, waiting for test results, waiting for appointments, waiting for a match, waiting for cycles, waiting for drugs … but the opposite is happening, it’s all moving on around us!
I start taking the birth control pill today (an odd choice of drug to take when trying to actively get pregnant!) in order to get my hormones/cycles nice and in control so that I’m ready to synchronise with Bec (and her other recipient) when the time’s right – I’m assuming that if the lady who has the profile likes us (please!) then she’ll get started on the BCP straight away too …. Then I guess I’m going to need to learn to inject my wife.
Woooaaahhh girl, woah!